My Miracles…Asking for Help…This is How You Start

PART TWO: Realizing, Releasing and Raising Your Awareness

This subject of  realizing, releasing and  resistance is not my area of expertise.  I was like “Are you kidding me? “You want me to write about What!?  I thought we were doing miracles and Steven being hit by the car. What the heck happened here.? (they do this to me all the time, send me one way and then wham, change directions, has something to do with ME not listening to them. LOL) I thought we were doing something about me releasing about being a bad mother so you could write this page. They said no worry,  don’t even get started worrying, we just cleared that out. (I was a big worrier. I let go of the doubt and worry that was attached to being a bad mother.) Unfortunately, doubt and  worry are  still attached to other S__t in my cup. It’s not a one time, one size fits all, let it go. As you can tell with the bad mother issues.  They told me “We will help you like we always do. So go get started. People are coming to your site soon who will greatly benefit from this page. They need to know this. So, here I go.

It is very complicated and in the same thought, very simple. Throw out the old and make room for the new. Concept is easy enough. Ask us to help you realize and release and we will.  It is done. That’s the easy part. It’s as hard or easy as you choose to make it. I was taught and made the choice when I was younger, carried it and held on tight to this choice to present date…. you had to work HARD and EARN it. There are no free rides. If you don’t work hard, you don’t get what you want.  You don’t deserve it. If you can’t afford to pay for it now, you can’t have it. Work harder and you will appreciate it more. All choices that I made. I’ve held this thought process my whole lifetime. When held onto for that long of a time it is what is also called an “identification” and “old thought pattern”. Which basically means a lot more “S__T” attached to it.

My Dad and Mom both worked. They worked hard manual labor and never, not ever, missed a days’ work. Pick me. I was proud of that and took that choice and perception, on to myself. Which created ingrained old energy patterns and perceptions. Mom and Dad did it so IT MUST be the right thing to do. Which our Angels and Spiritual Beings are STILL trying to release for me. I have a ton of fears and attachments to doubt. Attached to a lot of my ‘Stuff’. Which is why I do a lot of things the hard way. Example: even though I had already released the choice of  I am a bad Mother. It was too easy. I had to do it over again and double check to make sure I did it right. I just CAN”T allow failure. That would be the fear called Doubt, which is one of my biggest fear… loads and loads of attachments. Pretty much total resistance to releasing it now. I think I need it for several reasons. One part I think I chose to experience it was so I don’t make a mistake, which is failure, which would result in embarrassment, which is attached to try harder so people don’t laugh at you, make fun of you, tell you you ‘re stupid. And on and on I go.

I laugh now as I write this because worry has been a real big fear for me, as was doubt. Worked really hard to release those fears.  Two years  for those fears, doubt and worry, and still some left in there. No! Absolutely not! I do not desire to go through that again. I love and appreciate everything it taught me. I no longer desire or support that choice! Whew! Choice made.( That last sentence was directly talking to Archangel Michael, because as I was writing this, doubt reared it head as “Am I writing  this right.”) Which is attached to another fear of “this isn’t right,” I never do it right. This is a mistake, throw it away and start over.” Oh no”, now I’m dealing with doubt, worry, failure, lack and a few more. But this is the cool part…. they brought it to my attention while I was writing this, so they could release some of it for me. See how this works?

Step outside the box. Don’t engage with the choice.  By that I mean, instead of experiencing the choice by thinking (this is my thought process and/or ingrained thought patterns) That’s right, you can’t DO anything right. You’re stupid.  You’re not smart enough to figure this out.  I always fail. No one ever believes me. No one ever listens to me. I always have to explain it.I always have to “Prove it”. I’m always ignored because what I have to say isn’t important. This site isn’t helping anyone… that action or thought process is “experiencing the choices and benefits of  the fear … in my case…doubt, I’m not smart enough.. just to name two choices.  That’s  the thought process  that is putting more S___T in your cup, not taking it out.  This is how you take your first baby step on Releasing, letting go of or emptying out your CUP. Clearing out the S___T so you can make room for the positive “jump up and down happy”, instead of putting More S____T in your cup.

So what you do here is acknowledge it. Welcome IT. Give it  love and gratitude and LET IT GO. My suggestions are: Don’t judge it. Judgement gives it more power and creates more fear based choices and experiences that get entangle with the one you already have going on. Try to think of what benefits you get from  experiencing (the fear) doubt for example.  Some of the benefits for me to experience doubt, is/was because it will make me try harder so I don’t make a mistake or do it wrong. Then I can’t fail, my Mom will think I did a good job, I would be valued and respected, and I can really help people. People will believe me if I double check and make sure. They will believe me and they will trust me. It would help me to be smarter. Then if I have to prove it , I can. Just to name a few. My ego thought that doubt would be a great benefit for me because it would help me accomplish and achieve recognition.   That’s some of the benefits I receive from experiencing doubt. I have plenty more but you get the picture. With the exception of one person, that would be you Bill, no one has ever told me I did a good job, ever.  I mean  NEVER…EVER. Which just reinforces doubt, gives it more power,(when I say it, I mean the fear) and trying to make sure I do it right, so I can be proud of myself and people would be proud of me.

Another thought attached to this  for me is you must have done it wrong because no one told you that you did a great job or that they were proud of you . If you did a great job, they would tell you. They either ignore me or criticize me for how I could have done better. Tell me what I should have done instead of what I did do… which created a rebellion of authority figures for me.  I intensely dislike being told what to do. I don’t like having my control taken away from me. I’m not giving up control! This is MINE! I worked hard for it. Go get your own! That’s your ego, okay my ego.  Still do… working on that one, especially when its a male figure. Let that man be in some type of authority over me and then all Hell breaks loose. My ego has a field day and I start fighting back and jump right in the box with my Ego. By the time I realized “oops, stop, step outside the box… Ego here and winning, I have created, by my own choice and action to “engage”, an over flowing Cup.

I attached that to being controlled by men. Being forced to do something I dislike, to get something I have to have. Example: Doing a job I dislike because I need the money to pay my bills. And of coarse, I’m not going to let a MAN take care of me. I’m going to prove I don’t need them. When I stop “engaging and experiencing the choice or fear, then that part can be realize. That is part of the “help” being created so you realize what the choice is. That is what stepping outside the box is for. To learn and realize what they are trying to get you to let go of or release.

Another way to look at it and be grateful for, is you were able to experience fear of failure, doubt, control, lack of self esteem, etc. Without the choice of doubt, you and your soul would not have had the opportunity to experience growth, evolve or be enlightened had you not made the choice to experience doubt. So be grateful for learning that lesson. Then you release doubt. When you don’t learn the lesson and/or appreciate the lesson,  you repeat it over again. My experience is that the experience/choice that was not learned,”ups the ante” so to speak, to help you realize it easier, even though the lesson becomes more difficult. The longer it takes for you to “face the fear”, the harder and longer the lesson.  There is always “cause and effect” for your choices and actions.

It’s like a snowball rolling downhill. If you “get the lesson” when its small and at the top of the hill, it doesn’t have the opportunity to continue growing larger and harder to change the effect when it reaches the bottom of the hill. It’s like a brick upside your head instead of a whole building falling on top of you. Just so you know, ducking the flying bricks only works for a while. Then the building falls. Ask me how I know. LOL

So you can see here how its all tangled up together. They really have their hands full. So they do it with baby steps so we aren’t overwhelmed and give up.

Okay… back on point….So then after you “realize it”, this is what I suggest you do.  You can think or say to yourself.( There is no right or wrong way to do this.) Just have the “intention” for the highest and best good to all and harm to none. Visualization and gratitude from your heart are 2 very big factors in this process. They know what you mean. Just do the best you can.

Thank you for helping me realize this ______ (fill in the blank.) That’s validation and appreciation. Start your sentence with I AM. The I AM is very powerful in manifesting positive and negative.Creating and releasing. It works both ways.

I appreciate/ I AM GRATEFUL for what I learned, benefited, and/or experienced from choosing _(the fear)__.You can even name the “WHAT” it was you learned and then say something like” This choice, benefit, and/or experience  no longer serves me. If I choose to still experience or am confronted with this choice or benefits I will choose to do it in a loving productive way, with the highest and best good for all and harm to none.

Another choice is to say” if I ever choose to experience this doubt (fill in your fear or choice)  I now choose to send all the wisdom and knowledge from this experience to my Akashic Records, give thanks and  heartfelt gratitude to your Soul for experiencing this for you. If I am ever confronted with this “choice” again, my Soul and /or Higher Self and I can go to my Akashic Records and read about it instead of experiencing it or being it. Then Welcome it home. Literally, open your arms and welcome it home. It will fill the “holes” inside of you and your Aura. I am making new choices that are love based,  positive, productive and through my Heart Center. This last “acknowledgement” has proven to be quite effective for me.

When you send it to the Akashic Record, you stop the  experience because you have learned the lesson, not to be repeated. You, your Soul, and /or your Higher Self   just read it, “remember” the lesson and Let It Go. When you don’t appreciate the fear, this is one reason even after the fear has been released and there is not an attachment to other choices, it  still comes back.

In reality, fear is just an illusion we create in this dimension. That’s our experience. They are trying to wake us up so we remember who we are and why we are here. Yeah I know, complicated and overwhelming and maybe even difficult to comprehend. Been there Done that. Another time and another place for that topic. I’m still learning that one.

The same “mistakes” keep happening over and over. How many times have you said to yourself “why does this keep happening to me”? or “why does so and so keep making the same mistakes over and over and not learning anything from it”? ” Didn’t you learn anything from the last time you did that? Sound familiar? Because instead of accepting as lesson learned, appreciate, welcome home, done with it.  Yahoo! It (the fear) just sits there with your EGO waiting to “experience” itself again. Bing! Bam! Boom!

Shows up every time, without fail, over and over again. Learn the lesson, Accept and be Grateful for the experience. That’s  one of the reasons what your here for. To experience all aspects of life.

If you go to Jennifer Tavana’s web site, (listed on my links) she has several extensive, clearly written pages on the how and whys of this. Much better than mine. She is “my coach”. You will highly benefit from going to her site. She has several options available to help you.

Just another baby step for me. They show it to me like a huge ball of string, all tangled up and held together with super glue. They are laughing. They say think of it like trying to untangle Christmas lights. More people can relate to that. They have a GREAT sense of humor. I am always so grateful for their help. GRATITUDE  is huge. Be grateful for what you have NOW. The past doesn’t exist. Don’t dwell on it. It’s gone. Future hasn’t arrive yet. Your power and productivity is NOW. THE PRESENT. Be grateful NOW. Be grateful for what you  have NOW, not what you are  trying to get. Gratitude will take you to WHERE you are trying to get to. Gratitude will take you to your future. Always thank them. It’s not mandatory, but it sure does move things right along.  I tell them “Wow, that was really a rough one. I’m glad I don’t have your job. They always laugh and say ” You could do this, Oh, that was a piece of cake.” Ready for next?

I have been realizing, releasing, and resisting for over 2 years now.  Correction: resisting has been happening since I first made the choice of no, I don’t want to do that and you can’t make me, when I was a toddler. Ahhh! The terrible two’s. Reasons for the big changes in my life. Especially where My Angels  and Spiritual Light Beings are concerned. I’m doing the best I can to explain it to you. You have to get the old “crap” energy, thought patterns, released before you can replace it with “new positive experience” . The CUP. I highly recommend Jennifer Tavana and Danielle DeVoe (light and balance link)to help you with this process. Their links are on my home page. My opinion, they are experts at this. I have known Jennifer for over 3 years. She is truly amazing and gifted. She is a personal friend now, as is Danielle.  Jennifer and Danielle are who I go to when I’m “stuck” in and wading through my “crap”.  I can’t even imagine where I would be without their help and coaching. Jennifer is the friend I go to most often. She is very loving, giving, talented, and has highly mastered her gift. She is a very special person and you will realize that instantly when to talk to her or read her blogs. Her husband has the same qualities and may be easier for any males that are reading this to contact Josh. Josh is also very gifted in this area. He is also on my link page if you are interested in creating a web site.

Where to start. I have had so many miracles. I am truly blessed. I thought this page was going to be about my son Steven being hit by a car. A miracle I didn’t realize at the time. However, they want me to do this instead. My son Steven has been on my mind, more than usual this last week. He has called more often than usual. They were trying to help me “realize” some issues I was having at the time. One of “the issues” had to do with them helping and protecting my children. Something I ask for everyday. Everyday,without fail. Trust us,we are. Have faith, we are. Their answer: We do, you know we do, every day, for everyone. Why do you keep allowing and creating guilt and doubt to enter into this? For days they kept guiding me just let it go. Not me… I’m double checking to make sure. Yes, that would be doubt again.

(This is where the amazing video of my daughter being protected on the video posted on my home page.) That was definitely a jump up and down happy moment when I viewed the video at home later that evening.)

My kids have had a rough life, through no fault of their own making. I’m responsible for what happened to them. I’m the Mom. That’s my job. That’s my responsibility. I’m going to make it up to them. My Guides kept telling me, you are a good mother. You know that. We helped you release all of this, months ago, and you are recreating it now. LET IT GO! You know you are, why do you keep doing this? Let it go.  I told them I couldn’t, please help me let go of it. Oh oh, in a good way. Be careful what you ask for because it usually doesn’t happen the way you think it will. There is no magic wand they wave or snap there fingers and that’s it. It’s not a one stop fix it all situation.

It’s most definitely, most of the time, from my own experiences, not what or how you expect it to be. Most of the time, until recently, I would say, (excuse my language) What the &%#?! You call that  help?! No Thanks! Get out of my way. I was doing better before you helped me! That thought process keeps you in your box and your cup full of S__t. It also “revokes” your permission.  It is sooooooo much easier with their help and guidance.

Believe me when I tell you, it really is help. This is where you step outside the box instead of taking on the fear.  The old saying there is nothing to fear except fear itself. Let go of the fear, thank it for the lessons so you can move on. Believe me when I say I know how hard it is to LET GO.  “Listen” to your Heart, your intuition, your gut, and  “hear” with your Heart, what they are trying to get you to realize.

Here is the images/visions they showed me to help me understand letting go : I’m really hungry (hungry for answers). Boom instant food (for thought) I’m walking through this big beautiful  apple orchard. Big beautiful apple trees bursting full of apples. Apples everywhere. Weighing the tree limbs down and all over the ground. The Apples represent my answers, lessons to learn, and fears. All these big beautiful apples are literally everywhere. As far as I can see. Endless vision of apples trees. Rows and rows and rows of apple trees. That’s all I can see. I’m so excited. I start grabbing and picking up the apples as fast as I can. I have to get all I can.  I was “starving” for the answers. Answers and lessons. Now I can learn how to let go. Now I can go with the flow. I’m so excited. Finally! Answers! What a surprise I have coming.

LOL This scenario reminds me of the I Love Lucy show where she is in the chocolate candy factory and shes stuffing all the candy anywhere she can find a place to put them, as fast as she can.   That’s me… only with apples.  Starts out really easy and then “Life’s conveyor belt speeds right up to full power.  All hands on deck and it’s just me.

I’m doing the same thing with the apples. Holding on tight to as many as I can. (apples represent fears via lessons ) Won’t let go. Dropping apples all over the place and still picking up more. WON’T LET GO. I need this. Going as fast as I can picking up… dropping… picking up… holding on tight. Get out of my way! I need this! Now I’m really getting tired. Wore out and wore down. Take a break. Refreshed and re-energized. Hold on tight to them apples.  Start again. Picking up as many apples as fast as I can. Same thing over and over again. They are just standing there watching me. Hey how about some help here guys?! This is a whole lot to do here. Could you maybe get me a basket or hold some of these apples for me?

Nope, just standing there smiling and watching me running around all scattered, while they each are eating one fricking apple. MY APPLE. Give it back! I need to know what it means! You’re eating MY APPLE! Every time I pick up an apple, one of them takes it from me. Now I’m getting really mad.  This is where the thanks but no thanks for your help comes in.  I’m mad and giving them a “get the hell out, I do better by myself” choice. Fine I’ll do it by myself! If you aren’t going to help me at least stop taking the ones I’ve already picked up!  Don’t you think I’ve got enough to do already.!You could help me you know!?

Michael said, but we are. Next thing I know Michael offers me a Strawberry in one hand and a basket in the other. Take a break, try something different.  I wouldn’t have to take a break if you would just HELP me! We will when your ready. Now I’m jumping up and down literally. Little temper tantrum going on. I am ready! What the hell else do you want me to do!? If you really want to pick all these apples, I can help you with that. Just take the basket instead of the strawberry. I looked right at him and was ready to scream, “Yes, help me, but Michael just smiled  and melted my heart with his love.

Then it hit me… literally right between the eyes. Everything changed and shifted instantly. Just slow down and listen with your heart my beautiful.  With that,  I just dropped down to the ground, just started crying, and dropped all the apples.  I was drained and exhausted. As Michael “talked” all the apples started disappearing one by one, as I started letting go and thinking differently. Shifting. Releasing “all the apples”.Raising my frequency and vibrations. Intuitively hearing  and just knowing. Just know it.

I can’t keep doing this by myself.  There’s just too much. Why not try something different? Let us pick up the apples FOR you. Did you ever think about WHY you want all those apples. Why are you hanging on to them so tight? Share them with us? Where you going to put them? What you going to do with all of them? Isn’t is all overwhelming you and confusing you. Are you happy? Are you enjoying yourself? Are you having fun? Are you celebrating ? When was the last time you laughed? Is your light shining? Try letting go of what you are holding so tightly. Let it all hit the floor. We will catch you or teach you how to fly.  Just try it one at a time. See how that works. Can’t hurt anymore than it does right now, could it. Free choice. You can change your mind back and start picking up all the apples as fast as you can anytime you want.

Come to me my beautiful. Let me dry your tears. I crawled up on his lap, and as I did Michael stood beside us now and I was sitting on Jesus’s lap now surrounded by many Guides, Angels, Archangels, Light Beings and Ascended Masters. I just kept sobbing I FAILED you again. I want to serve and help others find their way and I can’t even help myself. I don’t know what to do. I can’t hear you clearly.  I can’t find the answers. All the fear and doubt gets in my way. That’s why I hold on to all the apples. I want to know what to do next. I want to learn everything I can, as fast as I can.

Then let go of the I can’t, I don’t, I should, I won’t, and I have to energy and concept. That’s old energy that you no longer require. You just still believe you still require it because You haven’t received what you thought you should when and how you thought you should. Let go of control, judgements, and expectations. Let go of this is how it will be. This is how is should be. You are waiting for something to happened a certain way.  You’re still engaging and waiting for old energy. You have already decided specifically what, who, how, and when.  New energy is not like that. If you expect old energy .. you will manifest and create old energy. That is what  “old energy” is .  All the apples are old energy. Take the strawberry. Breathe. Taste something new and fresh. Let your imagination flow.  Just let it be. Let it flow.You have experienced it and learned everything you can from it.  Stop repeating it. Be done. Love it for what it is. Release it and appreciate it. Lesson learned. Replace the old energy with new… I can, I am, I will, and I GET TOO! Your ready.. just let go and make room for new.

You can hear me. Just listen different. Listen with your heart, not your ears. Why do you think you need all those apples? You can’t eat them all. You have no use for them all at once. Just take one at a time. There are plenty. Whenever you need one, just take one. Let the rest go. (the apple/ fear/ lesson)  Enjoy it. Learn from it. Savor the lesson. Be grateful for it and let it go.  Give it to us. We will “eat” it for you. You have been holding on to everything so tightly that you haven’t allowed yourself time to enjoy the apple or learn from it. You are so busy running around gathering your harvest, your not allowing time to enjoy what you already have. Take a break.  Be a turtle instead of the hare for a while. Be the grasshopper instead of being the squirrel every moment.

One day at a time. One apple at a time. Let us show you the way. Enjoy the orchard. The view. Smell the sweet air. Look up at the sky. Feel the warmth of the sun. Take one apple and take a long slow grateful moment for what you have right now, this moment. Leave some apples (lesson to learn) for others as they walk through “their” orchards. We will take care of the rest if you let go and allow us to guide you down your path. You not required to know all the answers. Trust us and have Faith. Trust and Love yourself as we do. We will get you there. Just another Desi ride through Life. One day at a time. One apple at a time. Find something everyday to laugh out loud and smile.  BREATHE deeply and let it out. Free yourself. It’s contagious.  Refreshed and Renewed for another wonderful blessed day on Earth.


Love and Light


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